This year I have been through a lot. I catch myself saying that every year. There has not been a post in a while because 2014 I was so sick I could do nothing. This year brought new challenges to light. In February 2015 I was diagnosed with a 2nd autoimmune disease called spondylosis ( and RA type of arthritis that attacks the spine). Also with the passing of my father and moving to California. I have been in and out of the hospital but mathematically speaking less than last year. Relationships in my life have suffered not only from last years torture but also because other people in my family had also been affected.
I thought last year had tested me as a person. How much could I take before I broke….. I took a lot and on Nov. 21, 2014 I decided the world did not need me anymore and I was going to die anyway. For the first time in my life I tried to commit suicide. I survived, hence I am writing this….. but survived is all I have been doing. Working my way back from a mental breakdown has not been easy. But yet again I would be tested…… In ways I never thought I could be. The love of my life and of 19 years physically abused me. I had become too much to take. I was a burden to my husband and my kids. Everything was taken from me. My health, my family, my job, my worth as a person. Being hurt so bad you dont think you can ever recover. Have I? No, it is still a long hard road in which I cant control.
This is an update, I hope to write more frequently.
Bless all you during the holiday season and especially ones who deal with health problems as we are all soldiers.