Harping On The Past

I have a sorted relationship with my parents. A few years ago I helped my mom recover from drug addiction and also helped both of my parents with their failing financial situation. In turn they moved closer to where we lived to be closer to their grandson. Things began a slow decline. My dads health was also on the decline. He smoked for 42 years and as a result had COPD and went on oxygen 24/7. He also has type 1 diabetes. He was eventually laid off and went of disability. I read something recently that said ” Don’t expect everyone to understand your journey, especially if they have never walked your path. ” I guess I have to remember that also in my dads case. Last year and after years of suffering symptoms of this disease and being at the edge of being really sick and through miles of tests, I was finally diagnosed with Crohns. I was in the hospital almost dead and had surgery. I am hurt my dad did not even call me to see how I was. It took me a few weeks to recover and yet no call. I am wrong to be hurt? I am his kid…….I would think he would crawl to his child if he had to. Clearly I am not a priority. I have two boys and I can tell you with 100% accuracy if I was almost dead I would demand my husband pick me up and take me to my kid if they needed me! That is who I am.

I recently had a conversation with my dad about this and it came out, his response was, well your mother told me how you were….. I was like you know what, never mind you dont get it and NEVER will. This is also the same father that thinks my birthday is June 22nd and NO it is the 24th. What I cant understand is that I was sick with this crap when I was a kid and this is the same guy that would bring me a happy meal trying to get me to eat desperate after I did not eat for 4 days and vomiting. Where is that dad now? I am an adult but still would like to be someone’s kid. I still need someone when I am in need. I lean on my husband for that and that in turn changes our relationship. It has suffered because I am no longer the sexy wife, I am the sick wife he has watched turned into a ghoul that will die slowly before his eyes. He has seen me so sick I am almost dead. My parents at their house not seeing any of it.

 

Crohns is hard not only physically, but mentally I can’t stress it enough. It take a lifetime toll. I have been dealing with this since I was 8. Before I was diagnosed I had hope whatever this was that was making me sick could be cured, that will not be so now. I have no choice but to live and survive the nightmare. Crohns has taken bits of my life and family.

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